


Letters From the Front

by Lasgalendil



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Catholic Steve Rogers, Gay Bucky Barnes, Hurt No Comfort, Jewish Bucky Barnes, Letters, M/M, Podfic Welcome, World War II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 09:31:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14041284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lasgalendil/pseuds/Lasgalendil
Summary: For every family there’s a telegraph, for every soldier there’s a letter he hopes no one will ever read.





	Letters From the Front

WESTERN UNION

Washington DC 0430PM 04/14/45

Ms. Rebecca Barnes

The secretary of war desires to express his deepest regret that your brother Sergeant James B Barnes is missing presumed killed in action since 13 April in Austria if further details or other information are received you will be promptly notified.

                                                                                                         The Office of the Adjutant General 

* * *

 

 BUCKINGHAM PALACE

The Queen and I offer our heartfelt sympathy for your great sorrow.

We pray that our country’s gratitude for a life so nobly given in the service of humanity may bring you some measure of consolation.

                                                                                                         George R.I.

* * *

 Strategic Scientific Reserve

Washington, D.C.

17 April 1945

 

Ms. Rebecca Barnes

Brooklyn, New York

 

My dear Ms. Barnes:

It is with profound regret that I inform you of the death of your brother, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, in action overseas.

May I express the deep sympathy of all of your brother’s associates in this Agency, and our gratitude and admiration for his gallant service to our country. The reputation gained by your brother is one of heroism and sacrifice, and I hope this knowledge affords you both pride and comfort in your time of sorrow.

With deepest respect, I am

Very sincerely yours,

CHESTER E. PHILLIPS

Col, USA

Director

* * *

  WESTERN UNION

MR. AND MRS. GEORGE BARNES

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK

I HAVE JUST HEARD WITH THE DEEPEST REGRET OF THE HEROIC DEATH OF YOUR SON, SERGEANT JAMES B. BARNES WHILE SERVING WITH THE UNITED STATES ARMY IN AUSTRIA. AS GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK I BEG TO EXTEND MY DEEP SYMPATHY WHICH I AM SURE IS SHARED BY ALL THE PEOPLE IN OUR GREAT STATE. TODAY AMERICA SALUTES THE EXCEPTIONAL COURAGE AND EXTRAORDINARY ACT OF VALOR OF YOUR SON IN OBTAINING CRITICAL INTELLIGENCE REGARDING THESE FINAL WEEKS OF THE WAR IN EUROPE. ALTHOUGH YOUR SON MADE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE IN THE SUCCESSFUL EXECUTION OF HIS MISSION, IT MAY BE A COMFORT TO KNOW THAT HIS EXTRAORDINARY BRAVERY AND EXEMPLARY WILL SERVE AS IN INSPIRATION TO EVERY PATRIOTIC AMERICAN AND ESPECIALLY TO THE MEN WHO EVEN NOW DEFEND OUR SHORES IN THE FIGHT FOR FREEDOM. HIS SACRIFICE WILL ENDURE FOREVER IN THE PAGES OF AMERICA’S HISTORY.

THOMAS E. DEWEY

GOVERNOR

 

* * *

George,

If I do get outta this mess alive, I’ll come home to you and ma. I can’t promise I’ll be the same son who left but I’ll do my damndest not to let this war ruin me. 

But of all the stupid shit I’ve done and the scraps I’ve got in, this one’s the worse. This ain’t a back-alley or a Brooklyn street fight, and sooner or later if my number’s up I’m gonna get myself killed. 

Anyhow, I miss you and ma and the girls something fierce. Hell knows if I’ll see you again. But if I get home, I gotta come clean. To all of you. 

If I don’t see you, then goodbye, thanks for giving me life and bringing me up. You taught me what a man was and not many fellas get to say that. I’ve made my mistakes and whatever you think of me, it ain’t your fault. None of what I am is your fault or ma’s. And if you hate me for it, then that’s okay. But I’m done keeping secrets. Maybe I don’t got shit for standards, and maybe you think I’m going to Hell for loving him, but you can’t say I haven’t lived my own life, or enjoyed it, queer or no. If I don’t make it home, take care of Stevie. He doesn’t have much in this world but me, and he’ll need you and ma more than ever. You know I got 10 thousand dollars insurance coming, so if I go there’s something you gotta do: you set Stevie up something comfortable, and you send the girls to college. Don’t you let them do what you did with me, getting way without going to school, you make them study. Becca’s smart as a whip and she’s gonna be a doctor or a lawyer or a rabbi or something. She’s a girl but she deserves to go. Hell, Debbie and Hadassah are just kids, hope I get a chance to see them grow up but if I ain’t there for them, you gotta give them the best chance they got. 

I made my choice and I don’t regret it, went and prepared a place and kept my fella as best a man could. You taught me that. Whatever you think, you taught me that. I don’t think I could stand if you were disgusted or disappointed, and maybe I’m a coward for saying it now, but if I die I want you to know. Remember me for who I am, not the son you wanted me to be. 

There ain’t much more to say. I hope Becca never has to give you this letter.

Your son,

James

* * *

Ma,

I’m a fucking mess writing this cause I already know I ain’t coming home. I feel like Joseph getting buried in Egypt, Moses only seeing the Promised Land. But I’d crawl up that mountain on my hands and knees, it’s worth it, just for a peek. Thinking about you and the girls being home and safe makes it all just this side of bearable. 

But ma, I’m afraid. Not of dying. Everybody dies sooner or later. And not of not living—they ain’t the same thing, don’t ask me how. But I’m scared shitless thinking about Steve all alone. Sarah’s gone, ma, and if you’re reading this then you’re all he’s got. I don’t know what you think of me, but he’s David to my Jonathan. I love him like my own soul. If I die, you take care of him.  You hear? You take care of him. So maybe I’m a queer and maybe I’ll never see the World to Come, but I love him body and soul, ma. Body and soul. Don’t ask me how I know but he’s gonna do wonderful things if he doesn’t get his fool self killed defending every kid in Brooklyn. 

You gave me life, ma, G-d knows I know you loved me, and a fella can’t ask for any more than that. But I’m dying, ma, and it’s made me selfish. So if you can, if you can, you love Stevie, too. 

Your loving son

James

* * *

Becca,

I know it ain’t the sort of thing a fella asks his kid sister, but when Steve goes there’s something you gotta do for me. Take care of the apartment. There’s some things a fella just doesn’t want his ma to see. So maybe I modeled for him. Maybe he painted naked pictures of me. Maybe we had some taken before I shipped out, just the two of us skin on skin. You’ll have yourself a few good laughs but I won’t be there so I ain’t embarrassed about the lipstick or stockings or nothing, and I ain’t ashamed of what I am or what we’ve done. If you’re reading this then ma already knows but it’d break her damn heart to see. 

I love him, Becca. The law says we ain’t married but he’s it for me. We even had a little service, remember? Just the three of us and Arnie Roth. You got to play being a rabbi, I wrote my name in his Bible and he made me a ketubah with the view out our window of the Brooklyn Bridge. I know I’m a sap, kiddo. You don’t gotta say it. But if it’ll make you smile, you go right ahead. You say it out loud even. Take care of yourself. You go and live a good life and find yourself a fella or a gal who loves you the way I love Steve, and for fuck’s sake don’t you name a kid after me.

You take care of ma for me. Tell Debbie and Hadassah I love them, and whatever anybody thinks about me being a queer doesn’t change a thing. It didn’t for you, and you’l never know how damn much it means to me.

Your brother,

Bucky

* * *

Debbie,

I’m sending some money to ma and pa, and I’ve asked some stuff of Becca, but there’s something only you can do for me. You promise? I had a short life and a good one, but I gotta lot of laughs left I didn’t get to use, so I’m leaving them all to you. Every single one, short stack. No war, no rationing. 

You’re a little shit. I love you.

Bucky

* * *

Hadassah

Hey stinker, I love you. One day you’re gonna be grown and I won’t be there to see it. Don’t even know if you’ll remember me, but I remember you, way you smile like sunshine, your stupid button nose. The summer you were maybe two years old I was giving you a bath, and you farted in the water and made some bubbles, laughed like it was the funniest damn thing. Never did get you to stop. The laughing or the farting. 

I hope you grow up happy, I hope whatever world I’m leaving you in is a better one than the one I left.

If you find someone who loves you, baby girl, you hold on and you don’t let go. 

Your big brother,

Bucky

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the letters of:
> 
> Lewis F. Goddard  
> I Sergeant HO DET OSS  
> Tennesse Aug 7 1944
> 
> KIA Beddes, France fell to his death from parachute entanglement
> 
> https://www.centralmaine.com/2015/05/11/maranacook-students-to-unveil-memorial-to-world-war-ii-soldier/
> 
> William Winfield Colgan, Marine medic  
> Navy Cross Recipient  
> KIA Peleliu, October 4, 1944
> 
> KIA evacuating the wounded
> 
> qtd. in Brokaw, Tom. The Greatest Generation Speaks: Letters & Reflections. Random House: New York. 1999. pg 91
> 
> Captain Roderick Stephen Goodspeed Hall  
> Mercury Mission, OSS  
> Murdered by the SS (War Crime #36), Bolzano, Italy
> 
> Hung by SS Major August Schiffer, Christa Roy, SS Major Rudolph Thyrolf, Gestapo Lt. Georg Karl, Gestapo Major Otto Schröder, Gestapo member Albert Storz, Gestapo member Heinz Andergassen, Hans Butz, and SS Lt. Gen. Dr. Wilhelm Harster. 
> 
> qtd. in O’Donnell, Patrick. The Brenner Assignment: The Untold Story of the Most Daring Spy Mission of World War II. De Capo Press: Philadelphia. 2008. pg 108.


End file.
